Well... it doesn't have to be that way unless you allow it to be so. The problem, as I see it, is that you've been spending too much time reading articles from ROCOR or "t"rue Church of Greece websites. Here are a few other websites which might be more beneficial to you:
[
www.oca.org]
[
www.gocanada.org]
[
www.antiochian.org]
[
members.tscnet.com]
[
members.aol.com]
[
www.oca.org]
You're forgiven... please forgive me if my words in any way offended you. If you're interested, I could also provide my own little website. But for the time being, I think you would be better off reading the material provided on these pages. And whatever you do... don't be depressed. That is the trick of the enemy of our souls... to discourage and depress us. Instead, pray simply: "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner," and watch how the Lord defeats this discouragement and your entire mood changes. :-)
james
